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| Hawaii – January 2012 |
Note: I’m writing this letter to myself, five years after my
husband of 25 years, Thruston Stewart Doan, died suddenly of an undiagnosed
Pulmonary Embolism on May 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm. I wish on the evening of May
12, 2012, when I was feeling all alone even though my house was full of family
and friends, I could have read this “letter from the future”.
husband of 25 years, Thruston Stewart Doan, died suddenly of an undiagnosed
Pulmonary Embolism on May 10, 2012 at 12:24 pm. I wish on the evening of May
12, 2012, when I was feeling all alone even though my house was full of family
and friends, I could have read this “letter from the future”.
Note: On October 18, 2013, on what would have been our 27th Wedding Anniversary, I wrote a letter to my late husband. Here is the link to that blog entry: http://leslieinlittlerock.blogspot.com/2013/10/happy-anniversary.html
May 10, 2017
Dear Leslie,
I know you are devastated, inconsolable, upset, overwhelmed,
confused and worried about your daughters. What you have gone through during
the last several hours is a traumatic, sudden, tragedy. Your husband was here
in your home this morning when you and Sara left for school and work, and then
he was gone.
confused and worried about your daughters. What you have gone through during
the last several hours is a traumatic, sudden, tragedy. Your husband was here
in your home this morning when you and Sara left for school and work, and then
he was gone.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it – it’s going to be tough.
There will be seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months and years where you can
only think about the fact that your husband is dead. You will still feel
married, even five years later. You will worry about your daughters, your pets,
your house, your cars, your work, your bills, your health, the economy, your
parents, your mental health, the IRS, insurance, and the 2016 Presidential
Race.
There will be seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months and years where you can
only think about the fact that your husband is dead. You will still feel
married, even five years later. You will worry about your daughters, your pets,
your house, your cars, your work, your bills, your health, the economy, your
parents, your mental health, the IRS, insurance, and the 2016 Presidential
Race.
But you will get up every day, get dressed, and be there for
your children. You will go to work, volunteer for church and Chi Omega alumni
club activities, and continue to attend the monthly Pokeno games with your
neighbors.
your children. You will go to work, volunteer for church and Chi Omega alumni
club activities, and continue to attend the monthly Pokeno games with your
neighbors.
With the help of your family, friends, doctors, therapists,
co-workers, neighbors, church members and even strangers, you will be a good
mother and will help each daughter deal with the loss of their beloved father
in their own unique way.
co-workers, neighbors, church members and even strangers, you will be a good
mother and will help each daughter deal with the loss of their beloved father
in their own unique way.
Every day you will do at least one thing that you can check
off your “do-list”. Yes, it is unbelievable to think that a widow will have an
unlimited list of tasks to complete, but we do. There will be some days when
all you want to do is take 5 hot bubble baths and then climb back in bed. Other
days, you and your girls will watch the season finale episode of Glee six times, and that’s OK.
off your “do-list”. Yes, it is unbelievable to think that a widow will have an
unlimited list of tasks to complete, but we do. There will be some days when
all you want to do is take 5 hot bubble baths and then climb back in bed. Other
days, you and your girls will watch the season finale episode of Glee six times, and that’s OK.
You will know when things are right and when they are not.
As a counselor told you a few months after Thruston died, “You are grieving, you
are not incompetent.” There will be some
relatives that will judge you and treat you unfairly. I wish I knew then what I
know now, five years later.
As a counselor told you a few months after Thruston died, “You are grieving, you
are not incompetent.” There will be some
relatives that will judge you and treat you unfairly. I wish I knew then what I
know now, five years later.
The term “Toxic Person” will crop up and you will have to
cut those people out of your life. You do not need negativity as you are forced
to rebuild your life for you and your daughters. But you will.
cut those people out of your life. You do not need negativity as you are forced
to rebuild your life for you and your daughters. But you will.
Things will work out. Bills will be paid. Eventually you
will take early retirement from your job and your house will sell. Best of all,
Lauren graduates from college, moves to Boston and works for Harvard while Sara
graduates from high school and enrolls in the University of Mississippi where
she thrives as a Journalism major, writes for two blogs and joins a sorority!
will take early retirement from your job and your house will sell. Best of all,
Lauren graduates from college, moves to Boston and works for Harvard while Sara
graduates from high school and enrolls in the University of Mississippi where
she thrives as a Journalism major, writes for two blogs and joins a sorority!
Pursuing your dreams of writing for television, you are accepted
into the 2016 summer program of Cinematic Arts at the University of Southern California,
taking a sitcom writing class and a TV and Film Industry class. Eventually you
spend six weeks in Burbank, living with Darin and Kari and their kids while you
appear as an extra in 12 different televisions shows. You also continue writing
your blog and even have several posts published . And you are in a Flo Rida music
video for the song Zillionaire! How many 55 year old women can say that they are in a Flo Rida video?!
into the 2016 summer program of Cinematic Arts at the University of Southern California,
taking a sitcom writing class and a TV and Film Industry class. Eventually you
spend six weeks in Burbank, living with Darin and Kari and their kids while you
appear as an extra in 12 different televisions shows. You also continue writing
your blog and even have several posts published . And you are in a Flo Rida music
video for the song Zillionaire! How many 55 year old women can say that they are in a Flo Rida video?!
Not a day goes by that you don’t think about your husband
and wonder what would have happened if you had taken him to the emergency room
instead of him going to the doctor. But he did go to the doctor, he told was
told that he was fine and sent home.
After a while you had to stop the “What Ifs’.
and wonder what would have happened if you had taken him to the emergency room
instead of him going to the doctor. But he did go to the doctor, he told was
told that he was fine and sent home.
After a while you had to stop the “What Ifs’.
But you are so thankful that he was your husband for 25
years and that we have two sweet, smart and beautiful daughters. You are so
lucky to have memories of trips to Disney World, the beach and the wonderful
trip to Hawaii in January 2012 when he attended a national conference and we
celebrated Lauren’s 19th birthday.
years and that we have two sweet, smart and beautiful daughters. You are so
lucky to have memories of trips to Disney World, the beach and the wonderful
trip to Hawaii in January 2012 when he attended a national conference and we
celebrated Lauren’s 19th birthday.
So, I know that now it seems impossible to think about 5
minutes from now or 5 hours from now, but before you know it, it will be 5
years from now. And you will be OK.
minutes from now or 5 hours from now, but before you know it, it will be 5
years from now. And you will be OK.
Thinking of you,
Leslie
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